Project Guinea Pig Commences

How he could say no to that sweet face is beyond me. All Kaylyn wants for christmas is little furry companion. Well buddy me and Chaz have your back! This was an email that was sent to Brett from a furry friend:

Hi Brett,
I don't have a computer or opposable thumbs so i had chaz write this for me. i am just sending this email out to tell anyone if they can open their hearts to me for the holidays. I have fallen on some rough times and my local petco is going out of business. if they can't find a home for me they are going to feed me to a snake. can you fucking believe it, a snake of all things, this is not anaconda the movie this is real fucking life. help save me please, i beg of you. A little back ground info on me, i love to get drunk, i love running (on my wheel that is) i will smoke some weed from time to time and i just love sitting back, crackin a brew and watching a series of the show dexter, in fact that is who i am named after. cool huh.
well i will wrap things up by saying that i hope to see you walk through the front doors within the next week. you pick me up and i will supply the booze, sound like a deal?
thanks playa, can't wait to change my name to dexter scothern.

p.s. america - fuck yeah

Gone

Desparately Seeking...My Muse

People get inspired by so many different things...god, dreams, books, music, movies, and special people in their lives. People like your best friend. It's pretty much taken me about 25 years of my life to find her. Right now your probably saying "Her?!...I know Chaz has long hair but...?". Though he is my prince charming and absolutely amazing in every way he is a dude. And there are just some things that dudes just don't get.

A night with the boys. Chaz invited me to go down to Tooele to visit one of his good friends from high school. I was an unexpected guest and Brett had made arrangements for his wife to have a night out with the girls to save her from his guys night out. So there I was partaking in guys night which I thought may be an excellent opportunity to get to know some more about this guy I was newly dating. The two of them began reminiscing about all the crazy things they had done, at which point I thought "Oh, hell! Maybe I should have done a back-ground check on this guy before dating him." Brett then repeats that he wished that he knew that I was coming because I'd really like his wife. At this point I'm seriously wondering what type of chic could she possibly be, having dealt with this group of hooligans and there shenanigans since high school. This was going to be VERY interesting.

The first encounter; you can't judge a book by it's cover. She was beautiful, witty, funny and above anything else she had this unmistakable sweet innocent appearance. Needless to say looks are deceiving! At the time I had no idea that I had just met my other half. A foul mouth, dirty minded, ain't gonna take no shit from nobody, buddy! She has become the friend I had always hoped to find, and has become my muse that inspired me to do so much. I look forward to the day we live closer, because I have a feeling that we will be inseparable! I love you whore! I miss you.

Need I say More......

MANivan

Before I begin....YES, my friends it has been too long! So forgive me. It's funny how when you don't get to see your "muse" as often your creativity comes to a screeching halt! So I will blame my fabulous Aunty Traci for giving me enough crap about my neglecting my blog that inspired my post.

An observation of life: Though in our wedding vows we promise to love each other through good and bad til death do us part, did someone forget to read the fine print? No where does it say through good and bad til we get a house, start a family,I make you sell your truck so we can have a "more family friendly vehicle", and you'll work and I won't.....

The birth of the MANivan, also know as the power of the vagina. You know you've got a man by the balls when you can somehow convince him to sell his truck for the all American family friendly vehicle...the minivan. Ladies, I'm still trying to understand myself how this tragedy happens. Does the minivan complete your fairy tale life of being the perfect family and ultimate soccer mom? At what point to you go from chasing this bad boy in his truck, to taming him, then using your "power" for such an evil. I know your telling yourself "Oh, that's not me! He wanted to sell his truck, he loves the minivan". Have you ladies lost your gawd dam mind!? Just put him out of his misery. Rip his balls off, take the last bit of his youth and manhood. Need I say more. Give men a break..after all it's a man's world but it ain't nothing without a women.

Dear Summer

Dear Summer,

Oh how I miss you let me count the ways...Mexico made me miss you so much and now I have a slight case of the winter blues! Even though the rain welcomed us to Mexico and bid us farewell, you came out to play all of the other days. What an adventure we had in this tropical paradise. We loved it so much we are planning a trip back in June! I wanted to tell you about all of the amazing things we experienced during our stay, but instead I have decided to show you! Please don't stay away too much longer...I'm ready for shorts, sandals, and tank tops. See you soon, my friend!

With love,

Shay

Meet The Cock Blockers: A.K.A Our Dogs

You start kissing each other passionately. You find yourself falling to the floor. The kissing becomes more sensual with each second. And in the middle of the heat of the moment you feel two warm wet tongues happily lapping at your face like they haven't seen you in years. And then my favorite word slips out, and not in a good way.

Meet CJ and Pyke, our little cock blockin hell hounds,as we like to call them. A man's best friend you say. Explain to me how interrupting a fabulous session is showing any type of unconditional love.

CJ is your typical alpha female, and is a total selfish, relentless bitch when it comes to sharing Chaz. Pyke, is well Pyke. He is a tubby lil love whore,my snugglupagas. Win his heart with food in hand. They are my world, even if they ruin a saucy loOOVE session.

The Dawn Of The Dead:The Ranting Of A Spoiled Brat

You know it's friday, when your alarm goes off 5:00 a.m. and the first words out of your mouth are "FUCK!". Oh wait! That's just me (sorry daddy, I mean !@#$*). Since princess here only works Monday thru Thursday, usally I'm lost in my dreams in my warm bed, snuggling to my puppies. But the boss man thought it might be good idea to get in so me extra days before we take a week off in Mexico. Good idea right? Wrong. Just imagine, again dam it, close your eyes. The ten of us, and might I mention nine of us women, somehow found the gumption to roll our asses out of bed and drag our sorry selves to work....on a friday! Heaven forbid. Needless to say it turned out to be the dawn of the dead!